Off-Black Cadillac, Midnight Drive

by 50shadesofindigo


Here’s a little background on the story first.

My mom met my stepdad from eHarmony and when they got married, eHarmony sent them hats. Like not even cute hats, or I’m With Stupid hats or whatever. Just some ugly-ass tan hats with the eHarmony logo on them. But anyways, they figured they knew a lot about each other since meeting, and got married after six-ish whirlwind months. My mom hadn’t been with anyone since the birth of my brother, whose father was an abusive drug addict and my stepdad was a good guy. He’d had three wives before him die (which seems a little sketch, but I promise you they died of causes beyond his control and he was thrown into a megafuckton of debt because of those deaths) and at that age, I guess you think you know what you want in a mate and a person. So, they got married. 

That was three, almost four years ago. Since their marriage, they’ve declared bankruptcy, made a trial run of Virginia, and my mom suffered a life-altering brain injury that removed her ability to work. Let’s just say that even while my mom was working, our family was lightyears below the poverty line and her injury just threw us more into the hole. 

As if a brain injury wasn’t enough of a clusterfuck to wade through, a casino was built recently in our hometown just a couple miles from our house. We learned quickly that my stepdad is very fond of gambling. So when my mom got injured, he opted to gamble the money that was reserved for bills (like house payments and water) instead of, oh, I don’t know, RESERVING THE MONEY FOR BILLS. 

So yesterday, he informed my mom that he was considering suicide. He also told my mom that he didn’t love her anymore, hadn’t loved her for a very long time, and that he’s leaving her.

Let’s go over the facts right now. Our house is in foreclosure. My mom is unable to work. There’s a sixteen year old boy living at home with a failing marriage, a sick father, a suicidal stepdad, and a disabled mother. I’m in Chicago and I’m unable to help any of them. And worst of all, my mom just keeps getting hurt.

My mom is precious. She’s absolutely crazy. And I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah, man, my mom’s crazy too! Ha. Ha. Ha. MOMS. Ain’t they just so crazy.” 

No. My mom is actually crazy. She was physically and sexually abused as a child by her father and mother. 

She’s had three (not counting the current) failed marriages because she’s unable to maintain a normal relationship. The only people she has are family, which is me, and my brothers, and we’re all kind of assholes to her. Sometimes its just because we’re human, which is no excuse, but how are you supposed to deal with somebody like my mom? Sometimes you snap. I wish that wasn’t the reality but it is. None of us can help my mom, though. And she’s stuck by every single one of her children no. matter. what. And we’re just assholes to her and can’t help her when she needs it most.

So what do I do? I’m legitimately asking you. Do I leave Chicago and go back home to help her? Work, so I can pay even just a slight portion of what my mom’s provided for me over the years? Subject myself to the tedium that is the rural midwest in order to maintain my mom’s subpar standard of life? 

I guess the question is, do I sacrifice my life and dreams in order to help my mom? Is that something you would do? 

It would mean leaving school, Chicago, my friends and my life here. It’s not what I want to do but I can’t decide if it’s the right thing to do.

I wish I didn’t have to make this decision alone.